


the great buzzfeed group chat

by spookybergara



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Buzzfeed: The Try Guys
Genre: Buzzfeed, F/M, Group chat, M/M, The Try Guys, buzzfeed unsolved - Freeform, canon zagene, fun shit, gayyy, lit, slow burn shyan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-23 11:11:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11988609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookybergara/pseuds/spookybergara
Summary: (shanesaysfuckyou has added ryantits, quintaaaaa, ujeans, korndaddy, nedisbetterthanyou, Sara Rubin, keithisbetterthanned, and bRONT to the conversation)





	1. it b e g i n s

**Author's Note:**

> get lit  
> (ty to @shyanberdej on tumblr for being the beta reader)

_(shanesaysfuckyou has added ryantits, quintaaaaa, ujeans, korndaddy, nedisbetterthanyou, Sara Rubin, keithisbetterthanned, and bRONT to the conversation)_

**shanesaysfuckyou:** welcome bitches

 **ryantits:** why

_(bRONT has left the conversation)_

**ryantits:** BRENT DON’T LEAVE US ALONE

_(ryantits has added bRONT to the conversation)_

_(bRONT has left the conversation)_

**ujeans:** fine brent

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** wE’RE FINE WITHOUT YOU

 **Sara Rubin:** Shane why did you make this? We see each other every day at the office.

 **korndaddy:** preach it sara

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** because I want to talk with you guys when we’re not at work

 **quintaaaaa:** nah he wants to annoy the shit out of us

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** yeah pretty much

 **ryantits:** god fucking dammit

 **nedisbetterthanyou:** nice user sara

 **Sara Rubin:** It’s practical!

 **quintaaaaa:** don’t hate on sara shes the best person here

 **keithisbetterthanned:** yeah ned

 **korndaddy:** jesus ned

 **ujeans:** come on man

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** not cool

 **ryantits:** shane the fuck is your user

_(shanesaysfuckyou has changed their name to: shanesaysfuckyouryan)_

**shanesaysfuckyouryan:** better

 **Sara Rubin:** Shane, be nice to Ryan.

 **ryantits:** tHANK YOU SARA AT LEAST SOMEONE APPRECIATES ME

 **Sara Rubin:** You’re welcome Ryan!

 **ujeans:** what is this

 **korndaddy:** the heteros

 **ujeans:** disgusting

 **ryantits:** the fuck did you just call me

 **ujeans:** hetero

 **ryantits:** dISGUSTING

 **quintaaaaa:** GAY

 **ryantits:** yeah

 **korndaddy:** got it in one

 **ujeans:** where are keith and ned

 **shanesaysfuckyouryan:** yeah are yall dead

 **keithisbetterthanned:** oh sorry for having a life outside of this

 **nedisbetterthanyou:** my name is too long right

 **ryantits:** yea I suppose

_(nedisbetterthanyou has changed their name to: nedswife)_

**nedswife:** hows this

 **Sara Rubin:** Better, but know it sounds like Ariel is here.

 **nedswife:** true

_(nedswife has changed their name to: nedshusband)_

**nedshusband:** this is good

 **quintaaaaa:** ned

 **nedshusband:** wait

_(nedshusband has changed their name to: redned)_

**redned:** yall were really gonna let me play myself like that

 **ryantits:** that was fuckin funny

 **redned:** GOD SAKES PEOPLE

 **keithisbetterthanned:** now it looks like redneck tbh

 **redned:** oh and keithisbetterthanned is any better

_(keithisbetterthanned has changed their name to: KEITH)_

**KEITH:** so you know who I am

 **Sara Rubin:** And we didn’t already?

 **KEITH:** just in case

 **redned:** i like it

 **KEITH:** thanks ned

 **redned:** yeah no I don’t fuck you

 **quintaaaaa:** that was successful

 **Sara Rubin:** Where are Shane and Ryan?

 **KEITH:** fucking

 **redned:** what abt zach and eugene

 **KEITH:** also fucking

 **ryantits:** fOR THE LAST TIME WE ARENT DATING

 **KEITH:** ok

 **shanesaysfuckyouryan:** done with ur shit keith

 **KEITH:** rip

 **quintaaaaa:** gnight gays

 **ujeans:** im back

 **ujeans:** didja miss me

 **ujeans:** I know you did

 **redned:** it was like ten minutes

 **korndaddy:** yeah well he does only last that long

 **KEITH:** HOLY ASDFGHJKL

 **quintaaaaa:** HOLY SHIT ZACH

 **ryantits:** dAMN ZACH

 **shanesaysfuckyouryan:** WHATTA SAVAGE MY GOD

 **ujeans:** zach I really thought we had something

 **quintaaaaa:** and on that note GOOD FUCKING NIGHT

 **Sara Rubin:** Good night guys!!!  <3

 **shanesaysfuckyouryan:** see yall tomorrow


	2. save eugene 2k17

**ujeans:** do u guys think that pigeons have feelings

 

 **quintaaaa:** go to sleep eugene

 


	3. pining shaaaaaaannneee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eugenes dad is in the mafia, shane is pining after ryan, smthins up with zach n eugene, and sara gives good advice but shane doesnt care
> 
> oOOOOOoOooOOOOoooOOOOooOoo

_Saturday, 7:45 am, March 2017_

 

 **u** **jeans:** sometimes I wonder if my father is in the mafia

 **korndaddy:** eugene wtf

 **redned:** ur dad is v scary

 **ujeans:** he also disappears randomly

 **ryantits:** #yangismafia

 **ujeans:** wait I feel bad now

 **quintaaaaa:** A P O L O G I Z E F O O L

 **quintaaaaa:** they’ll kill y

 **shanesaysfuckyouryan:** goodbye

 **ryantits:** she sacrificed herself,,,,,, to warn us,,,,,,,,

 **korndaddy:** eugene ur dad still really scares me

 **ujeans:** bITCH I WILL CUT YOU

 **ryantits:** things are heating up in the kornfeld-yang house

 **shanesaysfuckyouryan:** that is a dead meme get out

 **ryantits:** this is biphobia

 **shanesaysfuckyouryan:** FIGHT ME HOE

 **ryantits:** dennys at 2 am

 **shanesaysfuckyouryan:** ITS ON BITCH

 **quintaaaaa:** not again

 **redned:** why yall like this

 **Sara Rubin:** Shane is certainly living up to his user.

 **KEITH:** oh my god just kiss already

(shanesaysfuckyouryan has removed KEITH from the chat)

 **ryantits:** hE HAD IT COMING

 **ryantits:** HE ONLY HAD HIMSELF TO BLAME

 **shanesaysfuckyouryan:** don’t make this lame ryan

 **ryantits:** tHEATER IS NOT FUCKING LAME

_(redned has added KEITH to the chat)_

 

 **KEITH:** ryan can i help u kick shanes ass 

 **ryantits:** anytime

 

_PM with ujeans_

**korndaddy:** get your ass over here and cuddle me

 **ujeans:** im tired

 **korndaddy:** too tired for your boyfriend

 **ujeans:** we’re not boyfriends

 **korndaddy:** still

 **ujeans:** …

 **ujeans:** be there in 10

 **korndaddy:** :)

 

_PM with Sara Rubin_

  
**shanesaysfuckyou:** sara help

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** I was watching a movie with ryan and hes asleep on me it’s the cUTEST THING

 **Sara Rubin:** Awww! Why don’t you just ask him out? And you changed your name!

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** no

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** I am the worst theres no way someone as good n pure as ryan bergara would go out with me

 **Sara Rubin:** At this point, I’d take asshole Shane over pining Shane any day.

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** I think that’s a compliment?

 **Sara Rubin:** Its not.

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** im never coming to you again

 

_PM with Sara Rubin_

**shanesaysfuckyou:** hes like talking in his sleep im c r y i n g hes so aDORABLE

 **Sara Rubin:** Put on your big gay pants and ASK HIM OUT DAMMIT.

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** dAMN IM SORRY

 **Sara Rubin:** This is why I left you.

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** I think the whole me being gay thing contributed to that as well

 **Sara Rubin:** True.

 

_the great buzzfeed group chat_   
_4:20 am_

**ujeans:** blaze it

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** blaze it

 **ryantits:** if yall don’t go to sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oOOoOOOoOOOOooOOOOOoOo
> 
> kudos and comments are appreciated!


	4. ned and sara are So Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> doo doo doo doo dOOOOOOOOOOOO
> 
> quinta LIVES, shane is gay 4 ryan, ryans gay 4 shane, they need to put of their BIG GAY PANTS and fuck already, smthins up w/ zagene wOT N TARNATIOIOIOIIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeugene

 

 

 

 

 

_the great buzzfeed group chat  
7:54 am_

 

 **ryantits:** iiiiiiiiiiits sUNDAYYYY

 **ujeans:** shut the fuck uuuup

 **ryantits:** nO

 **ujeans:** die

 **ryantits:** that’s the goal

 

_The great buzzfeed group chat  
10:29 am_

 

 **quintaaaaa:** good morning children

 **KEITH:** she lives

 **shanesayfuckyou:** QUINTA I THOUGHT THE MAFIA KILLED YOU

 **quintaaaaa:** sssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 **ryantits:** fuck gotta blast

 

_(ryantits has left the chat)_

 

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** bye???

 

_PM with redned_

 

 **ryantits:** ned I have a confession to make

 **redned:** yeah

 **ryantits:** well a question before that

 **redned:** ok

 **ryantits:** I should explain this though

 **redned:** just say it

 **ryantits:** ok

 **ryantits:** wait no question nvm

 **redned:** RYAN FOR FUCKS SAKE

 **ryantits:** oK JESUS

 **ryantits:** well I may have

 **ryantits:** caught feelings

 **redned:** fOR WHO

 **redned:** whomstdve the fuck is it

 **ryantits:** caught feelings for

 **ryantits:** shane

 **redned:** OUR SHANE

 **ryantits:** yes I caught feelings for shane alexander madej the one who I coproduce buzzfeed unsolved with

 **ryantits:** of course “our shane” who else

 **ryantits:** WHAT DO

 **redned:** well leaving the chat wasn’t a great decision

 **ryantits:** I PANICKED

 **redned:** you may want to consider uuhhhhhhhh

 **redned:** sucking his dick?

 **ryantits:** NO

 **ryantits:** ur the worst why are we even friends

 **redned:** because 420 blaze it

 **ryantits:** u right 420 blaze it

 

_(redned has added ryantits to the conversation)_

 

 **ryantits:** 420 blaze it

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** rYAN!!! IS THAT A WEED?

 **ryantits:** no its just a crayon

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** IM CALLING THE POLICE

 **redned:** *beep* *beep* *beep*

 **KEITH:** 911 whats your emergency

 **ryantits:** iconic

 **ujeans:** gmorning you little shits

 **ryantits:** eugene why do you hate me

 **ujeans:** I hate everyone before 10 am

 **KEITH:** you misspelled at all times

 **ujeans:** shut up keith

 

_PM with Sara Rubin_

 

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** sARA I looked through ryans sketchbook and theres so many drawings of me

 **Sara Rubin:** See! He does like you!

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** yeah idk

 **Sara Rubin:** Oh my god.

 **Sara Rubin:** How many were of you?

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** about half

 **Sara Rubin:** What were you doing in the drawings?

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** sitting at my desk, laughing, smiling, talking in unsolved, that shit

 **Sara Rubin:** HE. LIKES. YOU.

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** I cant be suuuuuuure !!!!!!

 **Sara Rubin:** Take your problems to Ned I’m too tired for this.

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** saraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa heeeeeeeeeelllllllpppppppp

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** gtg work on a project with eugene

 **Sara Rubin:** Have fun pining!

 

_PM with korndaddy_

 

 **ujeans:** pls tell me we weren’t as bad with pining as shane and ryan before we started hooking up

 **korndaddy:** no ones as bad as shane and ryan when it comes to pining

 **ujeans:** if they don’t get together I may explode

 **korndaddy:** we could always lock them in a closet

 **ujeans:** good plan


	5. oops my hand slipped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oops
> 
> that is a trademarked ryan bergara thing, zagene is iN TROUBLE, ryan gives good advice, ned is Not Smart, ryan is salt, rip all of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please dont hate me
> 
> pls

_the great buzzfeed groupchat_

_5:37 pm_

**redned:** iiiiiiiiiiiiiiits Wednesday

 **redned:** yall know what that means

 **quintaaaaa:** u n ur wife are gonna fuck

 **redned:** maaaaayyyyyyyyybe aaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnd its date night!!!

 **ryantits:** don’t use more than one letter at a time that’s a trademarked ryan bergara thing™

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** yeah ned that’s a ryan bergara thing™

 **ryantits:** u heard it here fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirst neddy

 **redned:** don’t call me that

 **ryantits:** ill call u whatever the fuck I please if you use my ryan bergara thing™

 **redned:** YOU CANT TRADEMARK SOMETHING THAT BROADLY EXISTS

 **ryantits:** watch me

_(ryantits has changed their name to: ryantits™)_

**ryantits™:** BOOM

 **redned:** you’ve made your point

 **ryantits™:** thank you

_(ryantits™ has changed their name to: ryantits)_

**KEITH:** are you kids done yet or

 **redned:** we’re done

 **KEITH:** ok good because I too am going on a date

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** WITH WHOMSTDVE

 **KEITH:** theres this really nice girl named becky and we’re catching a movie

 **ujeans:** get some

 **KEITH:** that’s the goal

 **redned:** damn up n at em

 **redned:** gotta go on a dATE

 **KEITH:** same gotta ghost

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** GHOSTS ARENT REAL

 **KEITH:** nvm gotta go

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** fine

 

_PM with ujeans_

**korndaddy:** so becky and keith are pretty cute

 **korndaddy:** going on dates and stuff

 **ujeans:** yea I suppose

 **korndaddy:** what if we

 **korndaddy:** hypothetically

 **korndaddy:** went on a date

 **ujeans:** what if we

 **ujeans:** hypothetically

 **ujeans:** stuck with what we agreed with in the beginning.

 **korndaddy:** oh

 **korndaddy:** k.

 

_PM with ryantits_

 

 **korndaddy:** ok ryan youre good at advice right

 **ryantits:** not in the slightest

 **korndaddy:** great!

 **ryantits:** here we go again

 **korndaddy:** so what if you caught feelings

 **korndaddy:** n this is purely hypothetical

 **korndaddy:** caught feelings for the guy you’ve been platonically fucking

 **korndaddy:** hypothetically

 **ryantits:** um that doesn’t sound hypothetical

 **korndaddy:** it is I assure you

 **ryantits:** who have you been platonically fucking ???

 **ryantits:** not eugene you two are dating

 **korndaddy:** actually yeah

 **korndaddy:** just platonically fucking

 **ryantits:** oh my god

 **ryantits:** this explains a lot.

 **ryantits:** you told him you caught feelings?

 **korndaddy:** yeah

 **ryantits:** and then what ???

 **korndaddy:** well I guess hes ignoring me

 **ryantits:** im going to kill eugene tomorrow

 **korndaddy:** please don’t

 **ryantits:** ill be at ur house in 20 with pizza and movies

 **korndaddy:** u are the purest human ryan bergara never go away

 

_(ryantits has added shanesaysfuckyou, quintaaaaa, Sara Rubin, KEITH, and redned to super-secret zagene vention)_

_10:28 pm_

 

 **ryantits:** hey guys I know you may be asleep but this is important

 **Sara Rubin:** I’m up, whats wrong?

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** yeah im up

 **quintaaaaa:** sup ryan

 **KEITH:** im here too

 **redned:** yeah what

 **ryantits:** ok so the gangs all here

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** that is another dead meme gtfo

 **ryantits:** I cant believe im saying this but now is not the time for memes

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** ryan bergara not having time for memes

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** this is important

 **ryantits:** shut up shane

 **KEITH:** spill ryan

 **redned:** yeah youre taking forever

 **ryantits:** ok hold please

 **ryantits:** ok so I was told by zach that he and eugene were in a bit of trouble

 **Sara Rubin:** No! How?

 **ryantits:** ok so zach told me that he told eugene

 **KEITH:** uh huh

 **ryantits:** that they were just fwb

 **redned:** NO FUCKING WAY

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** oh my fucking god

 **quintaaaaa:** ARE U FR

 **ryantits:** YES I AM

 **quintaaaaa:** NO WAY RYAN

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** this is crazy holy shit

 **Sara Rubin:** That would actually make a lot of sense.

 **redned:** but I cant believe it they seem so happy together

 **ryantits:** ok but hold on

 **redned:** RYAN FFS YOURE TAKING AS LONG TO TELL US AS U DID WHEN U TOLD ME U LIKED SHANE HURRY TF UP

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** Wait, what?

 **redned:** oh shane youre in here

 **redned:** WAIT SHANE YOURE IN HERE

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** yes I am?

_(redned has removed shanesaysfuckyou from the chat)_

_The great buzzfeed group chat_

_10:47 pm_

**shanesaysfuckyou:** does anyone want to tell me whats going on?

 

_super secret-zagene-vention_

_10:48 pm_

**ryantits:** Ned what did you just say?

 **redned:** fuck dude, I am so, _so,_ sorry.

 **ryantits:** Sorry doesn’t change anything!

 **KEITH:** ned, what the fuck?

 **redned:** Ryan I am so damn sorry I am such an asshole im so fucking stupid

 **ryantits:** I’ll see you guys tomorrow. Bye.

_(ryantits has left the chat)_

**KEITH:** great fucking job ned.

 **Sara Rubin:** Wait, Ryan likes Shane?

 **redned:** obviously.

 **Sara Rubin:** This is great!

 **quintaaaaa:** youre kidding. how is this great at all?

 **Sara Rubin:** Because Shane likes Ryan!

 **KEITH:** does he?

 **Sara Rubin:** Yes! So now they can get together and Ned and I wont have to deal with them pining!

 **redned:** you think they will?

 **Sara Rubin:** Well, hopefully.

 **redned:** bullshit. both of them are so shy about their feelings. It took them forever to even say they were even close.

 **KEITH:** exactly. so they wont.

 **Sara Rubin:** Unless we help!

 **quintaaaaa:** we shouldn’t just meddle around in their love lives. This is between the two of them and them alone.

 **Sara Rubin:** But we’re their closest friends!

 **quintaaaaa:** I know, but this is personal shit. we should let them figure it out.

 **Sara Rubin:** I guess youre right. We should get some sleep.

 **redned:** god, I hope ryan doesn’t kill me.

 **KEITH:** just go to bed guys. Itll work out.

 **quintaaaaa:** god, this just gets even more depressing.

 

_PM with shanesaysfuckyou_

**ryantits:** shane, you have every right to be mad at me. im mad at me. i think im a fucking idiot. i just want to let you know that i fucked up, i fucked up so damn much, and i feel like a dick because our friendship is just wasted now and you dont have to look me in the eyes or talk to me or work with me on anything and i can move my desk away from yours tomorrow. 

Shane, I am so, so, so sorry you ever had to meet me. Because all I do is ruin things.

Good night.


	6. IT ALL COMES TOGETHER AND EVERYTHINGS GAYYY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YAY  
> zagene is fixed, zach loves mean girls, shane is alcoholic but not rly, FUCK its not good

****

_PM with shanesaysfuckyou_

 

 **Sara Rubin:** So, how was your day?

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** do you really want the answer to that question ?

 **Sara Rubin:** Yes, because I care about you very much

 **shanesaysfuckyou::** you’re a gem, sara.

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** shitty.

 **Sara Rubin:** Should I ask why or do I already know the answer?

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** if you’ve all been gossiping about poor little shane and how fucking pathetic he is, then you do know.

 **Sara Rubin:** I’m sure not _that_  many people know.

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** oh ? ok. well no one will look me in the eyes, nobody said anything to me, and ned is acting like this martyr, trying to be all heroic or whatever. And ryan was the worst. He avoided me at all costs, he didn’t show up for filming, he moved his desk away from mine, and when I tried to sit with him at lunch, he walked away. So my day has been fan fucking tastic.

 **Sara Rubin:** Sorry, man.

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** and to top it all off, I get a text from ryan at 1 am that I didn’t see that said he was sorry I ever met him.

 **Sara Rubin:** Oh no.

 **Sara Rubin:** What do you plan on doing?

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** oh I don’t know, kill myself

 **Sara Rubin:** Stop it. I know you’re going through some shit, but you shouldn’t joke about that stuff.

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** who said I was joking

 **Sara Rubin:** On my way to your place with two bottles of vodka.

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** but its Thursday

 **Sara Rubin:** So?

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** fair point come on over

_Super secret zagene vention_

_6:45 pm_

**Sara Rubin:** Who do we help next?

 **quintaaaaa:** what

 **Sara Rubin:** Zach and Eugene or Shane and Ryan?

 **quintaaaaa:** I don’t actually think that zach or eugene knows

 **KEITH:** oh they got the full story from hamlet over here

 **redned:** how was I not supposed to tell them?

 **KEITH:** maybe because you cant fucking whisper

 **KEITH:** didn’t you notice that ryan ran to the bathroom with his head in his hands after you explained???

 **Sara Rubin:** Oh dear.

 **redned:** I just keep fucking up, don’t i

 **Sara Rubin:** You cant blame yourself Ned.

 **redned:** watch me

 **quintaaaaa:** I vote zach and eugene first

 **Sara Rubin:** Great! The votes are all in.

 **KEITH:** the fuck what about me

 **Sara Rubin:** Quintas vote is the only one that mattered. Lets go!

 

_PM with ryantits_

**korndaddy:** ryan,,,, bb,,,, I know you’ve had a v bad day but can u still talk

 **ryantits:** ofc zach whats the problem

 **korndaddy:** it has been several hours since eugene and I last spoke

 **ryantits:** aw zach

 **ryantits:** im sorry

 **korndaddy:** hes ignoring me I might cry

 **korndaddy:** what if I go to his apartment and just stand there

 **korndaddy:** then he has to talk to me

 **ryantits:** that’s very stalker-ish

 **korndaddy:** what do I dooooooooooooooo

 **ryantits:** hmmm

 **ryantits:** not sure

 **ryantits:** confront him. Itll work.

 **korndaddy:** u sure ?

 **ryantits:** no no no I don’t know I don’t know what im doing

 **ryantits:** im going to bed

 **korndaddy:** ryan its not even 7

 **ryantits:** good night

 

_The great buzzfeed group chat_

_6:57 pm_

_(Sara Rubin has named the chat: zagene get your shit together)_

 

 **Sara Rubin:** Okay you two, lets work this out.

 **ujeans:** what is this

 **redned:** public humiliation

 **ujeans:** why

 **ryantits:** for making me go over to zachs and watch mean girls

 **korndaddy:** are you complaining mean girls is gREAT

 **ryantits:** its amazing but not when someone cries into your arm the entire time

 **korndaddy:** fair point

 **quintaaaaa:** ok lets get to it. eugene, what the fuck did you do?

 **ujeans:** what

 **korndaddy:** so…

 **ujeans:** what

 **korndaddy:** cut the shit eugene u know what

 **korndaddy:** look either u like me back and we’re bfs or you don’t and I move on

 **ujeans:** …

 **ujeans:** i,,,,

 **ujeans:** do like you

 **korndaddy:** YEET

 **korndaddy:** ur a dick for ignoring me but

 **korndaddy:** YEET

 **korndaddy:** wanna come over

 **ujeans:** be there in 20

 **KEITH:** jesus keep your sexcapades in private chats

 **KEITH:** but don’t ignore eachother anymore that was scary

 

~~_it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for_ ~~

_PM with ryantits_

 

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** Hey.

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** can we talk about this?

 **shanesaysfuckyou;** ryan don’t you dare ignore me I can see you on tumblr. Now please answer me we have to talk.

 **ryantits:** Fine. What?

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** so, I know you probably think I’m mad at you.

 **ryantits:** Which you should be.

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** well, no. im not mad. at all.

 **ryantits:** Did Sara put you up to this?

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** no, why would she have ???

 **ryantits:** Because im not fucking blind, and they don’t realize that I can tell theyre all talking about stupid little pathetic ryan and his starcrossed nonexistent relationship with shane.

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** oh. Well she didn’t.

 **ryantits:** if that’s all youre going to say, can I leave?

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** im not done yet

 **ryantits:** fine.

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** well,

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** lets do it this way; I have a proposal to make.

 **ryantits:** forget that this ever happened?

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** no. the opposite.

 **ryantits:** never speak to eachother again?

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** just listen to me!

 **ryantits:** ok, spill.

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** like I said, I have a proposal.

 **ryantits:** which is?

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** well

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** would you

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** like to

 **ryantits:** yes??

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** gp oit wiyhbmr

 **ryantits:** what???

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** stupid nerves

 **ryantits:** just say it!

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** willyougiptotwirhme

 **ryantits:** I cant tell what you’re saying!

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** I said,

 **ryantits:** WHAT?!

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?

 **ryantits:** jfldc

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** That’s what I wanted to say, ok? Would you like to go out?

 **ryantits:** wahtg

 **ryantits:** hiow

 **ryantits:** youbdontt liker me

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** yes, I do actually. I cant believe im saying this to you but youre super cute

 **ryantits:** wjahsgadikq;lankj

 

_PM with Sara Rubin_

 

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** sara I asked ryan out and I think I broke him

 **Sara Rubin:** YOU ASKED HIM OUT YAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY

 **Sara Rubin:** What do you mean “broke him” ?

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** [ryantits-shanesaysfuckyou-pm.jpeg]

 **Sara Rubin:** I see what you mean.

 **Sara Rubin:** Well keep talking!

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** I know I know

 **Sara Rubin:** And Shane?

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** yeah

 **Sara Rubin:** Use protection!

 

_PM with ryantits_

**shanesaysfuckyou:** can you talk yet

 **ryantits:** Shane?

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** yeah

 **ryantits:** I really, really would like to

 **ryantits:** gp oit wiyhbyiu

 

 **ryantits:** whered u go ???

 

 **ryantits:** it wasnt tHAT bad of a joke

 

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** sorry i was doin a victory dance

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** but omg YES that’s the bEST NEWS ive liked you for so long dude

 **ryantits:** omg sAME ive had a crush on u since u started doing unsolved with me lol

 **shanesaysfuckyou:** so does this mean I can come to your place and kiss you

 **ryantits:** if ur not here in 20 minutes im kicking u off unsolved

 

 **ryantits:** shane?

 

 **ryantits:** omg ur on ur way already im cryinf

 

_PM with redned_

**ryantits:** hey ned

 **redned:** yeah

 **ryantits:** when did you realize that you were in love with your wife

 **redned:** when I got butterflies in my stomach when I saw her, when seeing her made me smile, when talking her made my day better

 **redned:** why ?

 **ryantits:** no reason

 

_PM with Ariel Fulmer_

**ryantits:** hey ariel, this is ryan from buzzfeed. Quick (and slightly weird question), when did you realize that Ned loved you?

 **Ariel Fulmer:** Hi Ryan! That’s not weird at all, I’ve heard worse. I guess I figured it out when he tried really hard to always come and see me at the end of the day, or when he was always so sweet to me.

 **ryantits:** ok, thank you!

 

_PM with korndaddy_

 

 **ryantits:** ZACH HOLY FUCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do yall want me to continue this bc i have a lOT of fun these kids could have OoOOOooOOOOooOOo


End file.
